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Cheap Beach Chairs | 16 Bars
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AuthorTopic:  Cheap Beach Chairs | 16 Bars
Dyme Secta

Total Posts: 504
Member Since: 2017
Location: spacetime
posted Thursday, December 14, 2017 5:16:24 PM    Click Here to See the Profile for Dyme Secta
Let's have some fun, read along.

Have a look. 90 degree rook. By the spirit. Nothing by the book.
Prepare meals by the week so we don't overcook. What it took?

To be here. Existed since the very beginning. Tell us. We care.
No leap years. Wack emcees mouth say anything. Let us be clear.

Put the pressure on em they fold faster than cheap beach chairs.
Momma taught me the Lord's Prayer and nothing is fair. Well aware.

Throw on your trainers. You tortoise and hares. Moment for air.
Chasing the glare no where. Caught in the solar wind cross hair.

In the hot seat. Data entry heat. Smoked mesquite over a heartbeat.
Threw a hole in the story so thoughts flow out a of dumb leak.

Love to see the come hate to see them go life is bittersweet.
Dug'n cleats. Staying positive through the valleys and the peaks.

It can get deep. Dive in it. Home run or strike out in 9 innings.
Define winning. Help yourself. One right decision every 5 minutes.

Embed aspect of reality inside a sentence. Lay overs in Venice.
Love 19 hour trips serviced by Tahitian lovey flight attendants.

- dymesecta

Partial IP: 224.194.89


Total Posts: 72
Member Since: 2017
posted Thursday, December 14, 2017 5:22:50 PM    Click Here to See the Profile for Marty
At first I was like "No! Not another negative verse!" But at the end it turned out Kind of positive
Take care Dyme

Partial IP: 224.194.89

Groucho Marxist

Total Posts: 480
Member Since: 2017
Location: U.S.S.R.
posted Sunday, December 17, 2017 10:42:05 PM    Click Here to See the Profile for Groucho Marxist
I hate to be the dude to give crit, but just from this verse, having not read anything else of yours. I would suggest working more on content and then let the rhyme scheme shit come to you.

I spent a lot of time trying to build rhyme scheme and then let that go and worked on straight content. Eventually the rhyme scheme just caught up.

Not sure if that is helpful but... my 2 cents anyway.

Partial IP: 224.194.89


Total Posts: 13
Member Since: 2016
Location: Surrey.BC.Canada.
posted Sunday, December 17, 2017 11:31:35 PM    Click Here to See the Profile for robby.j
would be dope to see how this would sound over beat. should record a freeverse with this.

Partial IP: 224.194.89

Dyme Secta

Total Posts: 504
Member Since: 2017
Location: spacetime
posted Tuesday, December 19, 2017 4:12:13 PM    Click Here to See the Profile for Dyme Secta
Marty Everyday seeking the balance. Thanks a lot for
the positive encouragement.

Groucho Marxist Criticism noted. Interesting perspective.
Thanks for sharing.

robby.j Dope idea! Gonna give it a shot. Working on that pronto.

Thanks again for the read and feed. Have a super day guys. Later.

Partial IP: 224.194.89

\Saga Sphinx/

Total Posts: 3500
Member Since: 2003
Location: London, England
posted Wednesday, December 20, 2017 6:29:44 AM    Click Here to See the Profile for \Saga Sphinx/   Click Here to Email \Saga Sphinx/

I just used a tortoise & hare line as well, lol.

I guess I'll just fold, like the beach chairs.

Partial IP: 94.245.216

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